Yikes! It's been a lot longer then I thought! So sorry!!!
So, lately, and I'm sure I've mentioned this...my fibromyalgia has been SO BAD. It's awful. I'm not sure why my pain has been going crazy lately. I know that I don't sleep well most weeks but dang.
And guys, I need to figure out something with my cats. Onyx likes to sing the song of his people at 3AM and wake up the ENTIRE APARTMENT BUILDING. Okay, I might be being dramatic but no one wants to be woke up by a howling cat at 3AM. And when I'm like "ONYX!!! STFU!!"...he jumps on the bed like "Oh hi mom, I was just singing to my people but since you're awake you can pet me and I will just rub myself all over you. That's okay right? Mom? Mom?"
I know that doesn't help with my pain at all. It's really imperative that I get some sleep not only to reset my brain but to help my body.
I've also recently started having muscle spams in my hips/legs. So, that's super duper fun!
I'm open to any and all suggestions at this point. #someonepleasehelpme
Medical marijuana update - we will now refer to this as "eating the burrito" so write this down.
I've been "eating the burrito" for 2 days in a row now. At night. After work. No driving or anything involved. I do not feel 'high' which is good. It does make me feel mellow and kind of sleepy. It doesn't really help me sleep though which is a bummer. (My Xanax helps with that but I won't eat a burrito and take a pill like that.) I've decided to try to eat the burrito for a week or two, consistently, and see if that helps me at all. I'm writing it on my planner so I can keep track. Fingers crossed that relief is coming soon.
So, earlier this month, a girl that I used to work with, came back to work. I won't mention her name, in case she reads this (I love you friend lol!) but she has been gone awhile....(she quit and came back because she missed me so much hahaha) And we were catching up...she asked me how my dad was.
Talk about a smack in the face. It took my breath away. I was like "Well...you know, he died..." She was obviously horrified and very apologetic. I mean, I get it. We all can't keep up with everyone's lives. It was just a real punch in the gut to hear someone ask about my dad. My brother and I had a good laugh later about how I should have responded (hahaha) but it just made me think about how grief never really goes away. I loved my dad. Most of you know this. But my dad was not an easy man, in the very least. And the last few years of our "relationship" was tense at best. I do miss things about him but overall, I just hope he's at peace. I still feel the loss. It is a weird sensation to think of yourself without a parent. And it doesn't help my lonely feeling here, since my mom lives in Florida.
As a side note, I've had a few people (who will also go unnamed) reach out to me to tell me how much my blog has helped them/guided them and how thankful they are for my transparency. You guys! No words. I had almost given up on this little blog and always wonder if my daily posts on Instagram are really seen by anyone (or if we just double tap our friends pictures and keep scrolling). Messages like that, really help me as well! Thank you for reading. Thank you for thinking my little struggle is somewhat inspiring.
We're all in this together, right? At the end of the day, if I can help just one person feel better or feel like they aren't alone...then I feel like I've done something right with this blog and my Insta posts. I love hearing other people are struggling (not that I love the struggle), it helps me feel less alone as well. I also imagine surrounding myself with people who "get it" as well. Even a few of my friends who don't struggle with the same issues as me, they still support me with infinite love. And that's with their own struggles!
Keep your heads up everyone! If I can do this, so can you.
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