Well....hi....

I'm sorry for the radio silence.  I've hit a serious rough patch and I'm super depressed.  I can't seem to shake it.  No matter how hard I try, I just feel sad and want to stay in bed.

I'm very discouraged by life right now.  I'm trying not to be but I am.  So, instead of fighting it, I'm trying to just feel the sadness and hope I can move forward.

I have to say, a big part of the reason I feel so discouraged is these classes I'm taking.  While I won't disclose what they are (just yet) here, I can just tell you that while they "say" it's fine for single people, it's obviously very geared toward a relationship/two person home and my dreams of doing something after this class are beginning to fade.  I wish I would've never started. 

I spent a lot of time over the weekend just crying and/or sleeping.  I know it's not ideal but when I sleep, I don't feel sad.  I don't feel anything.  I did zone out some and play Xbox but I mostly just slept. 

I spend a lot of time taking care of others but few take care of me when it comes down to it. I'd just like someone to show up for me.  Just once.  (Please know, the cards have meant a lot and that's not what I'm saying here!)

I watch everyone else's dreams come true and mine just don't.  Everyone says to work towards it.  To keep pushing.  I'm doing all of those things.  I'm taking classes, I've been on dating sites, I've done everything I know to do to make my dreams come true and nope!  Maybe things I want just aren't in the cards for me.  Maybe I'm meant to be single.  I should be the single cat lady!  At least Salem and Onyx love me.

I know I shouldn't question why but I do, a lot.  Especially this weekend. 

I'll be okay.  I always am.  I'll get through it, I always do.  Just know that I'm not ignoring any of you.  Your support has meant so much to me.  And it helps me during times like this.  I guess I just need to figure out how much more I have to push.  Or what I'm willing to let go of.  What dreams should just go away? 

I love all of you.  Thank you again for all your support and love.  Keep it coming.  I really need it.

Your depressed friend,
Susan