Foster Class

Sometimes, you just have to know when to stop doing something that is making you miserable. 

If you haven’t guessed by now, and you don’t already know, I’ve been taking foster care classes to become a foster parent.  And these classes are HARD.  I’ve done 8 classes so far (out of 12) and I’m not sure I can continue to go.

I know that 4 more classes don’t seem like that much (that’s 12 more hours) but I honestly think that it’s making my depression/anxiety worse.

I was doing very well with things (as well as I can) before classes started.  It seems like ever since I’ve been taking these classes, I’m super depressed and down on myself.  I can’t seem to shake it.  Maybe I jumped into this too soon.  I was feeling better about things and I was thinking I could do this.  Maybe I can’t. 

I need to really put myself first.  For a while I think.  I’ve never done that before and as usual, I put something before myself.  While I want to foster, I need to be in a better place before I can.  Crying on the way home from classes and feeling like I’m worthless just aren’t good for my mental health.  I’ve cried a LOT and been extremely down since I started getting into this.  The system is very broken and it isn’t set up for single people to do this. 

I know a handful of single moms who do this but they have a lot of support from family/friends that I simply just do not have.  Yes, I have friends.  I have some very amazing friends.  But my friends have their own lives and their own struggles.  We all barely have time to see each other, much less, asking them for help.  And the majority of family that would help me, live in Florida. 

This simply may not be in the cards for me.  And that brings a whole new wave of grief.  Things just seem to not be meant for me.  That is very heart breaking. 

I have trauma therapy today and I plan on discussing this with Carrie.  Nothing is final but this is the way I’m leaning.  Adrienne brought it to my attention this weekend and after talking about it (and thinking about it), things are worse for me.  I can’t hurt myself.  If I can’t help myself or put myself first, how will I ever help a child?  I won’t. 

I just need to focus on me right now.  I need to get through trauma therapy and get my mental health in a better place.

I will, of course, keep all of you updated.  I just need to put this out there…..ya know….for full transparency. 

Things have to get better.

(Thank you all again, for all the amazing support.  The amount of emails, text messages and phone calls after my last blog were really uplifting.)