Carrie thinks I will beat myself up and see it as a failure if I don't finish. She's likely right. This isn't class 2 I'm bailing out on. I have 3 classes left. (Well, four but one is a make up class.)
However, we both agreed that maybe I'll need to take some time between completion of the classes and deciding if I do indeed, want to become a foster parent.
I still have a lot of trauma work to do. And Carrie reminded me of that. Maybe once I finish that and I'm able to put some things behind me, I can move forward with fostering.
The thing I didn't tell Carrie is that I already feel like a failure. For so many reasons. I think she knows I feel that way because she gave me a lot of self love tips and told me to fall back on my mantras and positive things. 3 more classes.
I did go to class last night. And it wasn't bad. But it wasn't great. The stories about abused children just break something inside me. It hurts my soul. Hearing about a mother who commited felonious assault on her 2 year old (breaking his arm and collar bone) just...something inside me just...snaps. I want to save the baby. I want to punch the mother in the face. I want to scream at the justice system for putting this baby back into a home where he was CLEARLY abused. I'm happy he was removed and placed in a home where the parents love him but this boy didn't deserve that. And he's the reason I want to foster.
The problem is the system is SO JACKED. And I'm not sure I can mentally do it right now.
Anywhoooooo... I wanted to update all of you. That's where this stands. 3 more classes and I'm done.
Then I'm disappearing for a week. I will be incommunicado for 7 days. I need this time to just...breathe and regroup.
I love you all. Thanks for loving me back.
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