Alabama

I would like to post a general disclaimer to this blog.  This blog covers my opinion and thoughts on a very controversial topic.  If you think you might get angry or upset by what I post, I encourage you not to continue to read what I've written.  If you do...and you don't love me anymore...well, that's okay.  I still love you and I'll miss you in my life. 

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Can we take a moment and talk about Alabama please? 

I realize that this blog is about me and about my struggles/journey/victories/whatever but I’ve been thinking about this since last night.

It’s no surprise that this country is in TERRIBLE, HORRIFYING shape right now.  Politically, I mostly keep my mouth shut.  Most (if not all of) my friends and family know where I stand on important subjects.  We have open, honest conversations and move the hell on.  There isn’t much we can do to change how things play out.  Except vote.  VOTING is important.  But, that’s for another blog.

Last night, in foster class, while on break (and I was messaging my friend about her fabulous earrings), the girl who sits next to me (who is a weirdo but again, another blog) asks me if I’ve heard of the ban on abortion in Alabama. 

Why yes, honey.  I breath the air in this country and anyone who BREATHES AIR knows about the Alabama bill.

Here is where the shit show starts.  At least for me.

Weirdo girl: Did you see that they banned it for those poor rape victims?

Me: Do you know that less than 10% of women who are raped get pregnant?  And less than 2% of those pregnancies make up abortions?

Weirdo girl: Oh.  Well…those poor women…made to carry a monsters baby.

Me: Alabama can ban abortion but it doesn’t overturn Roe v. Wade.  They can go to other states.

Weirdo girl: How can they do that to the victims?

Me: Is it less murder in your eyes if the person is a victim? Because who are we to decide who is a victim and who isn’t?  I find it’s more socially accepted if said person is a victim of whatever, then simply a person who wants to exercise their right to choose.

Weirdo Girl: (makes small squeak)….

This is where it gets real awkward.  And I’ll spare you all the details.

But honestly people!  HONESTLY.  First, note of advice, do NOT ask the girl you’ve known for 5 whole weeks (a total of 15 hours to be exact) her thoughts on abortion.  Just don’t do it. 

I am extremely, extremely pro-choice.  And I understand that I live in a mostly Republican state.  This is why I usually keep these types of conversations to myself.  The amount of knowledge in my head about the affairs going on around me, would surprise most people.  I am a strong believer that if you believe in something, you should believe in it.  Know the facts, know the statistics, know where you stand and why you stand there.  “Weirdo girl” was educated last night on why you do not have these types of conversations with perfect strangers. 

Now, let’s talk about what’s so very wrong about this Alabama ban.  And this plays into my foster care classes.

Our system is beyond jacked up.  The adoption process AND the foster process in this country are hard.  Very, very hard.  And private adoption here is ridiculously expensive.  We are about to flood said system with more unwanted/unloved children.  A system that is bursting at the seams as it stands.  Too many cases, not enough case workers, not enough hours in the day, not enough pay, not enough, not enough, not ENOUGH. 

We’re deciding what do to with bodies that don’t belong to us.  How or Why is it any politicians business what I do with my body?  Or my time?  Or my money?  It isn’t any of their business.  This creates votes.  And we’re coming up on an election year with a country that is in shambles.

We’re going to go back to back alley abortions.  WOMEN DIED.  Legit, died.  They were denied health care after performing self-abortions so they’d bleed out or get horrible infections and die.  They’d go to “big cities” only to find some hill jack butcher who does a hack job for an unbelievable amount of money. Trust me people, I wrote a whole paper on this in college.  I’ve done my research.   The scene in Dirty Dancing is a real thing!

We’re sending mixed signals.  We claim out of one side of our mouth that all life is precious but we have a foster system/adoption system that begs to differ that fact.  We have children in border patrol dying that begs to differ that fact.  We have children being born into homes that doesn’t want them that begs to differ that fact.

We aren’t promoting affordable, accessible health care.  We aren’t educating our young people (girls AND boys!) about safe sex.  We preach abstinence but you can turn on any young adult show and see teens/young adults doing things we’re telling our children not to.  We live in a HIGHLY sexualized country.  Our music, our television shows, our books….

We don’t hold men accountable for these pregnancies as well.  What about the dead beat dads who don’t contribute to the life of their child?  What happens to them?

Agree with me or not, that’s fine.  I respect everyone’s opinion and have some friends who are pro-life for all kinds of reasons.  I get it.  We all can agree to disagree here.  On some level though, you have to know what is going on in this country is WRONG!  This isn’t a movement we want to get behind.  This isn’t even a movement my grandparents would get behind. 

Do you know that 1 out of every 4 women have had an abortion?  That’s your neighbor, the other mom in pick up line, your sister, your best friend, your daughter…. You know someone.  You love someone.  You care about someone.  Would your thoughts change if you knew?

Judge not yet ye be judge yo’self!

There is a movement now that I’ve noticed a lot of women are getting behind on social media (mostly Instagram).  It’s called the you know me movement.  And women are banning together to show support for the choice we’ve had for over half a century now. 

That being said, I was reminded today that this blog is about my journey and my truth. This whole Alabama ban is a huge trigger for me. 

I was 19.  I was coming out of a pretty traumatic, abusive relationship.   When you weight barely 105 pounds and you’ve been told for almost 2 years that this person cannot have children…and you end up pregnant…it’s shocking and terrifying. And you think of how this person has a child that they don’t care for.  And you think of how this person put you through some pretty horrific things, the only logical choice is to terminate. 

And I did.  And while you might think I was a victim (and maybe in some ways, I was), I made the choice on my own.  I paid for it with my very own money.  My parents were amazingly supportive.  I’ve never looked back.  I have a small amount of guilt but that’s because we live in a very shameful society.  I did what I felt was best for me, at the time. 

It’s not lost on me that I’m 40 now and have no children….and I’ve always wanted children but I still do not regret my choice.

I know mothers who have had abortions, in between having small kids.  I know mothers who have had abortions having older kids.  I know single people who have had abortions for various reasons.  These are people I love and people I care about.  And I will go down fighting for their right to continue to choose.

#YOUKNOWME