It turns out that self care is much more then that, or so I'm told. Part of my homework from TT is that I write at least five self care "activities." In TT on Monday, we talked about different ways for self care, like setting boundaries, saying no to things, taking time for yourself, etc. There are also self care activities that you can do to recharge yourself, help yourself relax and make time to make yourself a priority.
It feels somewhat silly to think about how things that seem indulgent could actually be self care. I don't remember growing up, my mom taking a lot of time for self care. You just didn't do that. It just seemed so selfish. She had kids to raise, an alcoholic husband to deal with, a job to work, a house to keep up...there wasn't time to take a bubble bath or read a book. As we got older and she divorced my dad, I remember some self care activities but they were still so limited. It simply wasn't something she did. I don't remember other moms doing these things either. They had husbands to keep, houses to clean, kids to raise, meals to cook, activities to plan....no time for anything else. And I can see how even moms today would feel this way. There's no time.
Are you seeing the same trend that I am? We are so conditioned. Whether it's said to you or what you see, it's ingrained in us how to care for ourselves or...in my case, the lack of care for myself. My mom always put us first, or my dad. She always came last. I'm very much the same way. I don't have children or a husband but I put my family first; like my parents or my brother and then I do things for other people. I'm terrible at putting myself first. I tell people (who do not believe me) that I physically do NOT KNOW how to put myself first.
This is another thing that I'm learning. I've always heard of self care and I've even done a few things here and there. I'm just going out of my way now (which feels SUPER selfish) to make sure I take care of myself a little more.
My five self care activities are (and it was difficult to come up with five!):
- Bath bombs (in a bath of course, and preferably from Lush)
- Pedicures
- Reading
- Color Street
- Painting
Apparently, I have even inspired my sister to do some self care! She watched her favorite show last night with her favorite snack and had a bubble bath planned for after!
I've been slacking on my chores this week. After such an amazing week last week, I'm really disappointed in myself. (Not so disappointed that I'm actually doing these chores but I feel super bad about it.) So, I'm trying to be kinder (self care) to myself and look at what I have accomplished.
What do you do for self care?
I completely agree with you about not having time for self care. That's probably why I am so tired all the time!! I need to make more time for myself
ReplyDeleteIt's a hard thing to get used to doing! It feels very strange.
DeleteI am figuring out that I am actually a better friend, Mom and wife when I take better care of myself.
DeleteWhen I was separated in 2017, I felt like I did a better job of that then which was the first thing my therapist recommended to me. She told me to decide each day what I wanted to do and take some time each day for self care. I worked out, bought a bike and rode the bike trail, spent time with friends, read, wrote in my journal, meditated and listened to music. I have gotten away from doing much for myself because it is my nature to be a people pleaser. I am trying to make plans before I fall back into that emotionally vacant hole again and go through the motions and let those moments slip by me. I love you Susan and I am so proud of you!
ReplyDeleteYour comment made me tear up! Thank you! I love you too and miss your beautiful face!
DeleteI started insisting on more selfcare at the suggestion of my old therapist. I went for what I thought was diagnosed PMDD (no one agrees with me but I think I do suffer from that) and a bit of postpartum depression. It feels a bit selfish still but I do some things for self care routinely now - I buy the expensive face crap (does R+F really work better than anything else? I dunno but I *feel* better when I use it), I take time to craft, and I get my nails done often. I've also recently found power in saying "no". I volunteered a lot the last several years - I ran my mommy group, I ended up running the PTO at my boys old school, I volunteered in the classroom a lot, etc, etc, etc. Since moving to Florida, I volunteer less and I've turned down stepping into a leadership role for the PTA at their new school (multiple times. stop.asking. I don't even know you). I'm forcing myself to set boundaries with a new friend who's a tiny bit clingy - she wants to hang out all.the.time and I simply don't. I value my alone time, my quiet time, my time to do what I want, and I refuse to feel (a lot) guilty because I don't wanna go with her to the park and watch her 2 year old play.
ReplyDeleteI got a bit rambly there. It happens. Self care matters and it's okay to take time for yourself... no one else is going to do it for you!
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DeleteSelf care always seem so selfish to me. Since I'm single, alone and just have the kitties, I feel like everything I do is "self care" but this isn't true! I deserve it too! So, I need to get better at it.
DeleteI totally think you struggle with PMDD. I've known you long enough to know you've been struggling with that. I'm glad you're taking care of yourself. I remember when you didn't. (Like the rest of us!)
Just for the record - my computer doesn't think "undiagnosed" is a word and changed it on me twice. That's why I deleted my extra comment, I tried to clarify but ended up repeating my typo and sounded dumb.
ReplyDeleteAnd you're right - you do deserve to do frivolous things that have no real need except for to spark a bit of joy. Sparking joy is super important!