My dad

Well, today is father's day and it's the 2nd one that I haven't had my dad.  I have a lot of thoughts around this day and it seems I have so many more now that he's gone.

My dad and I weren't on speaking terms when he died.  I honestly couldn't tell you the last time we spoke.  I know we texted and whatever but ... I couldn't tell you.  I have to live with that.

My dad wasn't the nicest man.  Not even close.  And in the almost 10 years that I was his legal guardian, he made my life mostly miserable.  We did have a few good times and I try to hold those close when I think about him.

James and I struggle a lot with dads death and I think it's mostly because we have a lot of trauma that stem from this man.  I cannot even begin to tell you what kind of trauma TK has.  But, that's her story to tell.

I had/have some pretty amazing father figures in my life.  My mother's father for one.  He always got the mushy "dad" cards.  And he stood in a lot as a dad, when he didn't have to.  I have a "work dad" that even though he's retired, if I called him right now, he'd answer and do whatever he could for me.  I also have Lynn's husband Walt is is like a father to me when I'm around.

On day's like today, I try to remember the good in my dad and the good things I got from him.

My dad had fantastic taste in music.  James and I both got our love of music from our dad.  I grew up listening to the Eagles, Pink Floyd, Prince, Elton John, Phil Collins, George Michael, Marvin Gaye....you get the idea.  This opened me up, as a young girl, to all kinds of music.  I have a wide range of music I like and I really think that's due to my dads influence.

He was funny.  Dad had this dry, sarcastic wit about him that I definitely inherited. James and I both can pop off with some pretty fantastic one liners.  And we'll laugh at just about anything.  The darker, the better.  (Our sense of humor isn't always logical)  TK is totally sarcastic too!  She's more blunt like my dad.  Very straight forward.  I like to think she gets this from dad, considering she wasn't raised with us. 

He was smart.  James took his degrees but there were several that he hung proudly, that now hang in James' house.  I didn't inherit this part but James did.  And I think TK did.  James and TK are both brilliant.  I'm just average and learn quickly.

It's easy to get trapped in all the bad things about my dad.  I could make a list.  I won't.  I'll try to remember the good things today instead.

The days he packed my lunch (as an adult) is one of my favorite memories.  Jamming out to Pink Floyd is a close second.  There are good things.  You just have to look for them.

Hug your dads today!  And if your dad isn't here, remember the good stuff.  At least today.  Celebrate the good things.

And drink a beer for my dad.